SUI-Sex Under the Influence
Relax. No crime as been committed. SUI,or Sex Under the
Influence,is a common occurrence in all of our adult minded lives. Getting
loaded. Then getting laid. Nothing fancy about that. It's how most of us were
conceived. Believe it.
But as we all know,different booze brings a different buzz.
And a different buzz could mean a 'make or break' situation with ol' Mister
Winky. Your blog writer (instigator), Kapn Krude,has done the field research
for this very distinct male oriented affliction. And I've lived to tell the
tale of this tape (and submit more cheap alliteration).
Whiskey dick.
I hated typing those two words together. But truth is truth.
And the truth is,the more booze a dude drinks,the more the risk of sexual
failure.
Whiskey dick is aptly named though. Drinking too much
whiskey will hinder a dude's cock prowess. Yet,drinking too much Cisco can
cause a guy to, as Blackie Lawless would sing, "Fuck Like A Beast". The
wonders of fortified wine will never cease to amaze me.
I have a few secrets I'd like to share with the
BumWineBob.com crowd about drinking and fucking.
1. Stick with the same drink all night. Mixing booze will
make you puke. And nobody wants to mount somebody who has vomit breath.
2. Booze is a depressant. It will slow you down over the course
of the evening. I buy 'Energy Tabs' from the dollar store to cure booze
fatigue. The tabs are a nice blend of caffeine,ginseng,and guarana.Take one of
these while drinking. It will keep you going,without getting a sugary puddle of
Red Bull in your stomach (btw,the only sugary puddle in your stomach should be
a bum wine).Forget cocaine as well. That shit flattens dicks faster than Medusa
with a yeast infection could.
3. Levitra. Pricey dick pill. But well worth it. Doesn't
fuck with your booze buzz and you won't see blue. It doesn't have a generic
version yet,so get a coupon from your doctor for a discount. 10 mg should keep
you going until the next day. Krude tested. Krude approved. Krude female
company = happy.
4. Order drinks on the rocks. The water from the ice will
keep you hydrated (to a certain extent). Straight shots are great,but try to
get a cup of water after a few.
5. Sex lube pillows. Wet makes the best of these. Easy to
carry and it won't set off a metal detector. Buy them in bulk on Ebay. You'll
be glad you did. Dry pussy,tit fucking,hand jobs,or the crown jewel- anal sex. Spit
for lube is a third world country routine. Not my style.And just as essential
an item as a hipflask full of whiskey.
Now you know how a Krude evening plays out: Booze. Broads.
Good tunes. Good times. And SUI. Be prepared. I am. Always.
Forever Your Krude
KK
@kapn_krude
#wm32acbwb
Tags:
krude experience
Seriously? Lube needed for anal sex? The only lube needed is some some salad tossin'.
ReplyDelete--Matt-Man