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Monday, June 8, 2015

The Krude Experience - 6/8/15


Cooking With Krude

Welcome to the world of Kapn Krude few knew existed.

Krude can cook.
And so can you.

This ain't The Pioneer Woman, for sure.

I've been cooking my own chow for a long time. It stems from the fact that my father was an restaurant owner and I worked in those kitchens when I was a teenager. I learned to cook and prepare meals under the tutelage of seasoned chefs. In reality,seasoned degenerates. I learned more about booze,pussy,and betting on ponies than cooking from the chefs. And I thank them for it. RIP Chef Vic. You are missed. Especially at the track.

These days,I generally use my culinary skills for keeping broads on the hook for more than a few hours. Whip up some pancakes from scratch after a late night romp and you're odds of getting blown after breakfast increase tenfold (note to keep fresh buttermilk in fridge at all times).Perfectly fry a chicken francaise dinner and pair it with a sweet Pinot Grigio (or White Wild Irish Rose for the men),and your odds of popping multiple loads on a chicks' ass that night are 'can't miss'.

So I leave you with an easy dessert recipe that is sure to please a skirt during the hot,sticky summer.

Key Lime Pie

Heat oven to 350 degrees

Ingredients:

1/2 cup fresh Key Lime juice (about 20 key limes squeezed)
3 egg yolks
14oz can Borden Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk
9" graham cracker pie crust
3 oz Larceny bourbon,on the rocks

Mix lime juice,yolks,and sweetened condensed milk together in a bowl until smooth. Don't be a cheap fuck and buy crap ingredients. Only use real key lime juice,fresh squeezed.I find key limes in season at Whole Foods or Kings supermarket.And Borden Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk.Pour into 9" graham cracker pie crust. Make a fresh pie crust as opposed to the store bought crusts. Honey Maid graham crackers are my choice. It's easy to make a crust. Don't be a pussy. Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Drink the Larceny bourbon on the rocks while pie is cooking. Remove pie from oven and let cool for 30 minutes. Have some more Larceny. Then chill pie in fridge for at least 6 hours.

Garnish with whipped cream and maybe some lime zest. I just like whipped cream. Reddi Wip to be exact.

Behold: Krude Lime Pie


It'll take pie making rookies about 3 tries to get this recipe right. When you do,serve it to a girl you haven't fucked. If you don't get laid after making this shit,you just plain suck. 'Got No Game' should be tattooed onto your forehead.

And remember folks,always save your bacon grease in a ceramic bowl near the range. Chicken fried steak isn't the same without it.

Stay Hungry
KK

@kapn_krude 

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