Do’s & Don'ts For the Daytona 500
A coupla weeks ago, the people I call my friends & I
headed to Daytona for the most storied of NASCAR events, the Daytona 500. I’m
not a huge NASCAR aficionado, but it was a bachelor party and our bachelor is a
big supporter of going around in circles. I’m a casual fan, in that I’ll watch
if nothing’s on and I’ve been to a few events, though moreso for the accepted
binge drinking in the stands. Having just NOW recoeved from that weekend, here
is a list of what you should and shouldn’t do during the grand daddy of them
all in the race world.
These guys look prepared…they weren’t. |
DO: Bring extra underpants…you’re gonna need them.
DON’T: Eat pizza down there. Seriously, they’re clueless
on how to make it. It takes them forever to make one pie. And they taste
TERRIBLE. I think ours was wonder bread
with V8 on it.
DO: Enjoy all the Happy Hour libations. We were drinking
pitchers of beer for $5 and Mai Tai’s for $4. Sure, the Mai Tai’s were
essentially sour mix and ice, but God Dammit WHAT A BARGAIN.
DO: Hang out with Danny Daytona. The man is a pure party
animal and everyone wants to be around him. He’s electric. Fun follows that guy
around like herpes at the free clinic.
Holy shit that guy in the middle is cool. |
DON’T: Go to the strip clubs. Cause they’re not strip
clubs at all. The ladies of the night in these venues are quite modest and
must, by law, keep their tops on. So if you’re idea of sexiness is checking out
a live episode of Baywatch, have at it.
DO: Go to the race early and check out the sea of
humanity that goes to this event. They’re AWESOME.
DON’T: Sell your extra ticket to the first guy you see
for waaaaay under face value for no reason. Verbatim, here’s Miggsy’s ‘negotiations’
to sell his extra
“I paid $170 for this…it’s yours for $100”
SOLD!
The place was a seller’s market but nope, here ya go, sir,
enjoy!…dummy.
DO: Bring a bottle of Fireball so you can take a pull
whenever there’s a caution flag out.
DON’T: Get so drunk that you get lost and can’t find
your way back to your seat…like my brother did. He was gone for probably 80
laps. Watching him go up and down flights of stairs, section by section,
looking for us repeatedly is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. We call
him the Professor because of his spectacles, so we made sure when he finally
did find us he wouldn’t get lost again.
This guy…he’s not my kind of guy. |
DO: Bring as many beers as you can to the track as this
is the only sporting event in the world (I’m pretty sure) that you can carry in
your own booze. It’s UNREAL.
DON’T: Go home the day AFTER the race. That’s a
huuuuuuuuuge mistake. If you do that, you fell victim to one of the classic
blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war
in Asia".
B-Cuddy spent more time in the toilet the day after the race
than he did in the stands at the Speedway. It was…not good.
IN FACT, DON’T: Go to Daytona at all. It’s a putrid,
miserable city. It’s poor, the food sucks, the people are rude & there’s
nothing to do there. Go to the race, and then runaway…far far away.
- Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal