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Monday, July 17, 2017

The Krude Experience - Federal Joint


Federal Joint

You haven't really lived until you have served some time in jail for something. People who have never been arrested scare me. Like why on earth are you following all the dumb rules set forth by asshole politicians and dumb voters? Life is about living. And not spending too much time locked up. A quality alibi is a requisite with Krude wherever I find myself. Better than carrying a rubber or pain pill. Live and learn.


All this Washington DC nonsense about Russia and its link to the current POTUS and his brethren possibly doing time for treason stirred up old Krude memories about Federal prison. Not that I served time there. But my old man did. And he filled me in about the ins and outs of Club Fed. And now I will share this inside dirt with the BWB faithful. Ain't youse a lucky bunch.

I'm not going to get into what he was sent to the Federal pen for. Trust me,its a wild story. But not for these webpages.

My father was sent to a federal prison called Allenwood correction center in rural Pennsylvania. It was made famous in the 1970's when all the Watergate criminals were sent there and G Gordon Liddy labeled it Club Fed. For mainly White men and white collar criminals. It is essentially a summer camp for crooked crackers without fences. Yes,that's correct. No fences or barbed wire at this minimum security pen. Maybe now they do. But not back in the day.

Liddy bragged about the food (good for jail) and that he stayed fit swimming in an in ground pool. The pool has since been filled with concrete. But the food still isn't half bad. My father called me from Club Fed on Thanksgiving one year. I tried to keep the conversation light (all calls from Allenwood get monitored and recorded) due to the nature of the holiday. So I asked my father a simple question : "Does Allenwood at least serve turkey today? ". "Yes. With all the trimmings. In fact they are serving 5 different kinds of pie today. Pumpkin,Apple,Blueberry,Cherry,and pecan pie". No joke. My prick corrupt old man was having a better Thanksgiving in Federal prison than at least half of the US was.Better than I was.That pissed me off. Still pisses me off.

My father also claimed that one of his friends in prison was a 80's junk bond huckster who had a restitution to pay of over $100 million. The truth was the junk bond mans' wife was keeping the millions he stole in a Swiss bank account that US feds couldn't get their hands on. He was serving 5 years out of a 7 year sentence. What a joke. 5 years for ripping off senior citizens life savings and keeping the $ overseas so that the restitution will never get paid back anywhere near in full. Those Reagan/Bush years were something special,eh?

Also for all New York Jets fans reading this- Joe Klecko was serving time in Allenwood back in the day. That's not something that got widespread notoriety at the time. But a NY Sack Exchange member not named Gastineau going to the Federal joint is kinda strange.

So if anybody in Washington DC has to go to jail for whatever crime they may have committed,just remember where they are going to get rehabilitated. At better lodging than I have currently. And probably fresher food and nicer scenery to wake up to. Ain't that America for you and me.....

The Twinkies made me temporarily lose my mind

KK

@kapn_krude

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