Wax on, **** off.

 

So here we are - 2023, waiting on the edge of our seats, wondering, when our beloved Cobra Kai will return to the airwaves. And then, it happens. You're minding your own business, mindlessly scrolling your social media and boom, a crane kick to your fucking nutsack.

Daniel LaRusso and the guy from that movie that was called "Karate Kid,", that I WILL NEVER FUCKING WATCH, together, talking about 2024's REBOOT OF THE FUCKING KARATE KID.

Excuse me?

First off, let's get some things straight. 

CENSORED

"The Next Karate Kid," makes Rocky IV look like Oscar winning cinema. "The Next Karate Kid," is an abortion in the mythos of the Karate Kid universe. And Jaiden Smith's Karate Kid is the aftermath of the abortion.

So yeah, I hate this.

What does this even mean for Cobra Kai? Is LaRusso going to wake up at the end of season six, turn the light on, and Ali is lying next to him like the whole goddamn thing was a fucking dream?

Karate Kid, the original, is a perfect movie. It's got humor, it's got violence, it's got ELIZABETH FUCKING SHUE. I've watched that first movie 33,218 times. Not even exaggerating. It's one of my "I'm to drunk to find something to watch," movies. It sits right next to Barfly, Rad and Eddie and the Cruisers, on my tv.

Part two was fine - introduced us to some amazing new characters, and part three was ... eh, it was fine. We got our final boss in part three, and it showed a different side of both LaRussa and his relationship with Miyagi.

But then they got greedy, as greedy cock suckers tend to get. They just NEEEEEDED that Karate Kid money to keep coming in so they could continue to snort cocaine and make Corey Feldman dance in the backrooms of Hollywood, and brought us The Next Karate Kid.

NO ONE ASKED FOR A NEXT KARATE KID. We loved Danny and if Danny was done, we're done too. BUT NOOOOOOO.

Ten people watched it. 

Then Will Smith ... why couldn't he have hit Chris Rock and got cancelled before making "Karate Kid," as i put it in quotes as ITS NOT A KARATE KID MOVIE. 

It's not. 

And now this. When we should be celebrating a terrific six year run of Cobra Kai, they go and do this. 

Welp, that's where i part ways with the franchise that taught me doing household chores would teach me how to be a fucking ninja.

Wax on, fuck off.