Just like last week's Krude Experience,I will take y'all this week on another trip to the Jersey Shore.This time,we'll go back a few years to 2009-2010. And enter a universe that is all things Guido. Yes,that guido. Jersey Shore tv show Guido. Yes. I have sunk to that level. I recently saw a commercial promoting a new show starring two of the skirts from that show. And that triggered these Krude memories.
The term 'guido' is a term that has been used since the 1980's to describe a certain kind of dude.Usually in a derogatory manner. I can honestly say that I have never been a guido,nor do I plan on becoming one.
2009 was an eventful year for Krude. This story will bring us to Labor Day weekend in Atlantic City NJ that year. I have described part of this trip in a previous blog entitled Lemmy. We (me and gf) were there for a Motorhead show that weekend. But we encountered something at the Tropicana hotel at around 1am after the Motorhead show. Little did we know....
We strolled into the Trop and gambled a little bit. Had another drink and decided to leave and head towards Ballys casino.Upon leaving the Trop we see a bit of a ruckus.There were video cameras and tons of young guidos and guidettes (and the eyewatering reek of perfumes,colognes and Aqua Net hair spray). I was blasted to the gills at that point on Jack and vicodin. Didn't know what I was seeing at that time was going to be a national obsession. I just saw drunken douchebags and bimbos out on the town. I was there for Motorhead that weekend. And some gambling. And get laid. No time for this amateur hour scene.It was the Jersey Shore show filming their first season in complete anonymity. Maybe we were on camera. Would love to see my state of being that night. Man, I was hammered. Good times.
2010. I was still dating a cool pothead chick. She was always up to doing the spur of the moment crazy shit I always seem to come up with. This time, I actually planned a nice weekend a few months in advance. Iggy and The Stooges were playing at the (now closed) House of Blues in Atlantic City,NJ. So instead of me being a cheap fuck and getting my usual comp rooms at one of the casinos. I booked a weekend at The Chelsea hotel (right next to the Tropicana hotel). The Chelsea is retro hip chic without the constant bustle of the casino crowds. She loved the place. My wallet didn't. But I really don't mind paying 'pussy tax'. Women put up with me and my strange ways. It's all good.
Iggy and the Stooges were in their Raw Power mode and ripped AC a new bunghole. They were great. The weekend was super fun. But on the drive back up North on the Garden State Parkway (toll road),the then gf made a stellar suggestion : let's have cheesesteaks in Seaside Heights. No problem for me. So we went. The cheesesteaks on the Seaside Heights boardwalk are pure godhead.Jersey Shore tv show was a big hit at that point and they were filming another season when we went to Seaside. If you wanted to go inside of the t shirt shop where they worked,you HAD to buy something.That was an actual disclaimer posted outside the shop. I ended up buying the gf a shirt. But it was on the way out of the shop when we hit the title wave of hysteria: MTV was filming on the boardwalk. Oh shit.
The Jersey Shore guys were surrounded by body guards (who formed a 10' walking wall around the young dickbags). And around 50 fans of the show who trailed right behind. What struck me the most about the Jersey Shore guys was their collective heights. They looked like 11 year old boys,jacked on anabolics and Fake Bake,while wearing jeans on a hot ass afternoon in Seaside Heights. And nobody over 5'5" tall. Not quite Oompa Loompa.But not quite Randy Orton either. They made their way from one end of the boardwalk to the other,ending at a familiar bar (seen on the show). The bar they walked into was immediately quarantined and locked down. Nobody was allowed inside while they were filming. The real problem was that the bar they infested was an enclosed and air conditioned bar.And the only air conditioned bar on the boardwalk. I cried foul. It was around 100 degrees and humid that day. I just wanted to chill with my chick and a few cocktails. But I was legitimately cock blocked by the Lords of DoucheGuido.Cheesesteak was awesome though. We saw that Snooki broad walking around drunk (with bodyguards) near the Cheesesteak stand. I bet she could give me head standing up and still have to use her tippy toes to reach my cock. She is tiny. Almost dwarf size. But she was super cool with the fans vying for her attention.
I'm not a fan of that tv show at all. Guidos have been a subculture in NJ for a long time. The behavior seen on that show was tame compared to the true 'reality' of guido-dom in NJ. It's far more hardcore (tons of blow,roids and wannabe Sopranos attitude) that make up the guido's MO. I took a picture of the house from the show. It still had the Italian flag painted on the garage door at that point. I kinda admire that kind of chutzpah though. We should all be proud of our heritage. Even to the point of grotesque overkill. Mahalo.
Jergens lotion > sun screen lotion
No brainer there...