The Lex Express: You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling If...

It's Throwback Thursday everyone, and boy do I have a treat for all of you! If you don't know, prior to becoming a bum wine connoisseur, I was a big pro wrestling fan growing up.  Prior to Bumming with Bobcat being online, I had another website called The Lex Express that was developed out of respect and dedication for the time Lex Luger was riding around the United States in a bus before his match with Yokozuna at SummerSlam 1993. 

The year was 2001, and on July 4, 2001 The Lex Express was back on the road! We covered everything in the wrestling world with some additional fun and excitement. With a variety of different guest columnists, we had ourselves a nice following in the world before Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.  Without further adieu, lets get to the action! If you were to of stumbled across the lex express site back in 2001 you would have seen a list like this one. 

You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling (in 2001) If...

1.You know almost all if not all of the answers to the WWF Trivia Game.
2.You know what month of the WWF Magazine in 1990 the Big Boss Man was on the cover.
3.You tape matches of your wrestling figures and put them on the Internet.
4.You build a wrestling ring in your back yard and tell your friends that it is a professional WWF ring shipped by them to you, when they know damn well it isn't.
5.When ever you ask someone what their name is, when they are about to tell you, you always interrupt with IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
6.You always end a conversation with, "and that's the bottom line cuz Stone Cold Said So!
7.When a video store is going out of business the first thing you do is head for the wrestling section.
8.You look up to Virgil as your role model.
9.When talking to people you always say "Its True, Its True."
10.You went on e-bay and bought WCW Halloween Havoc 1991 just to see the Chamber Of Horrors Match (If you haven't seen It i suggest you do).
11.You go to your Confirmation dressed up as the Right To Censor.
12.Doink is your Hero.
13.You go out just to get a bad haircut just so you can be like your hero the one Billy Gunn.
14.You take a white pair of your Hanes underwear and spray paint a cheesy looking Ultimate Warrior symbol on them and then dance around with the theme song blasting in your room tugging at the bed like its ring ropes.
15.You run for class President and you go up to make your speech and you find yourself quoting Chris Jericho more then 5 times.
16.You ruined a perfectly good sock just to draw Mr. Socko's face on with a sharpie pen.
17.While in conversation with someone and the say ever you have the sudden urge to yell ever and echo them like Chris Jericho.
18.You stand on your lunch table at school with your hands in the air humming the Mr. Perfect theme song.
19.You get a detention for calling your teacher a “nugget.”
20.You get asked out by the hottest girl in the school on Saturday night, but you reply ”Sorry I can’t Metal’s on tonight maybe another night.”
21.You turn the Spanish channel on earlier in the day just to watch Metal in Spanish, so u can see it earlier then 11pm.
22.You have the four horsemen wrestling figures sitting on your TV in your room waiting for them to make a comeback in the new WCW.
23.When the teacher puts her arms up in the air to write something on the blackboard and their back is towards you, you have the sudden urge to put them into the Tazzmission.
24.You’ve watched Mr. Nanny in the last week.
25.You have to say wooooooo after every word you say.
26.You see a bunch of black guys walking together on the streets and you immediately yell out we are the nation of domination.
27.You make a 38-song theme cd from the past and listen to it more then 3 times a day.
28.You are watching a video on Africa in school and you stand up and yell “Hey everybody look it’s Kamala!”
29.You have a party with about 10 kids and you all fight over the little plastic federation belts.
30.You are still eagerly awaiting the Slammy Awards to make a triumphant return.
31.You stay up to 4 o’clock in the morning to watch Wrestle mania 4, Smack em’ Whack em’ and some bootleg Hulk Hogan tape.
31.Every time you pick up a trash can you have to make a reference to Duke Drosee.
32.You have a pet snake named Damien.
33.You see a big fat Asian guy and you walk up to him and try to body slam him.
34.If instead of greeting your friends with a simple handshake you lick their heads like the Bushwhackers.
35.You are in Biology class and your studying the brain and you start to chuckle so the whole class can hear you because your thinking of Bobby Heenan.
36.If your eating Milk Duds and you see they have a striking resemblance to Virgil’s bald head.
37. You make yourself and all your friends their very own wrestling entrance themes.
38. You take up chewing tobacco, not cause you like it but because Skinner did it!
39. You know all the words to Slick’s theme.
40. If every time you pick up a piece of wood you have to lift it with one hand and yell Hooooooooooooooooo!
41. You go to a circus and you tell out “Where the hell is Doink” because you don’t see him with the rest of the clowns.
42. You go out and buy a pet bulldog and name him Matilda like the British Bulldog did.
43. You yell at the ice cream man demanding to know where the WWF ice cream bars went.
44. You find two bigger kids in your grade and give them your lunch money to protect you for the day.
45. You think your teacher looks like Dean Douglas.
46. If you were still a WWF fan in 1995.
47. You still do the Double J strut.
48. You taped the episode of Boy Meets World when Vader was on it.
49. You ever in your whole life use the words slobber knocker or barn burner.
50. If you e-mail asking them what team The Goon played for.
51. You wrestled your brother in the backseat of your car trying to be the first one to honk the horn so you can have the second ever King of the Road Match.
52. If your watching The Soul Train Music Awards and your upset because Men on a Mission didn’t win any awards.
53. You set your alarm clock on Saturday and Sunday to wake you up to watch livewire and superstars.
54. You boycotted wal-mart when they wouldn't sell al snows action figure because it came with head.
55. The back of you acoustic guitar says don't piss me off.
56. You went to the movies to see the Mummy 2 just so you could see the Rock play in a 5 second role as “The Scorpion King.”
57. You know the names of the original members of Kaientai and the Los Boricuas.
58. You were really ready to vote for Bob Backlund in the 1996 presidential election.
59. You still call Mean Gene’s hotline, and are upset when he doesn’t answer the phone.
60. You resolve all of your problems between your friends by saying “In the interest of Fairness”.
61. You watch CPU vs. CPU matches on No Mercy when a WWF show isn’t on TV.
62. You eat your dog like Al Snow did.
63. You remember who came down #13 in the 1993 Royal Rumble.
64. You have twins named Luke and Butch.
65. You watch the replay of Sunday Night Heat at 11 pm. Just to see if things will change and K-kwik will actually win his match.
66. You actually know Al Snows finishing move.
67. You wonder why there is no Lions Den matches in Smackdown 2.
68. You have scheduled matches against your pillow.
69. WHAT!?!
70. You know the words to the Chuck & Billy Theme.

It was thirteen years ago that The Lex Express first opened its doors and allowed fans of professional wrestling to hop aboard and join us on a journey around these great United States. Since that time I have tried to recreate the magic that once was The Lex Express website, but failed. People cannot seem to be as joyful and enthusiastic and they once were about Lex Luger and his "Call To Action Campaign"

Never forget that 21 years ago there was one man who tried his best to stop that evil foreigner Yokozuna by body slamming his fat ass. While he never did win the championship, he did win by count-out! And in my book that is as good of a victory as any! That man is the one, the only, "Made in the USA" Lex Luger!

Let's all do our part for Lex! Lex Luger for WWE Hall of Fame 2015! Good luck and god speed!

Post a Comment