Business Trips
Are extended work related trips really about being work
related? Or,are they about the amount of booze you'll pour down your throat in
that time? Ol' Krude put in the effort recently to bring you his take on this
subject. Pack a toothbrush. Press your slacks. Off to whereverland we go! All
in the name of crass capitalism.
May the farce be with us.
One (a shill for your company) quickly learns while being on
the road that the hotel bar automatically becomes the de facto nerve center of
all activities,from here on in. In theory,the hotel bar is a logical place to
begin or end all days. Places to sit.Coffee brewing around the clock. And most
importantly, 24/7 access to alcohol.
Being on the road, traveling on weekdays (on the company's
dime) is weird thing. When all meals and expenses are comped,you eat more than
usual. And drink way more than usual. Sobriety only occurs between the hours of
8am to 6pm-and that's a rough estimate.Trying to clean up (get sober enough) to
face another day of boring meetings,is a real challenge. But only the finest of
drunkards find a way to pull this off on every morning of their trip.
Drinking on the plane ride is the real catch-22 of the whole
trip. Nothing wrong with it,but I feel it's better to be sober when you arrive.
To get a good,honest look at your surroundings. On the plane ride home,throw a
party on the flight. Why not? If US Marshalls have to escort you from the plane
when you land,your legend has been cemented.
I remember a story I read about a football player (a Raider)
who learned how to sleep with his eyes open during team meetings at training
camp. I have to say,if you have the patience to learn this trick,it could come
in real handy when you need to catch ZZZz's while being present at a mandatory
meeting. Thank you Ken Stabler. You belong in the NFL Hall of Fame.
It is always best to scout out these nearest places of
interest upon arrival as well,if the booze be flowing free:
Pharmacy Rubbers,antacid,water,beef jerky, refill script
for Vicodin etc...
Pawn shop
Just in case you need quick cash,sell your Iphone or Movado
watch. Needing quick cash usually means an emergency. See next entry.
Bail Bondsman
He (or she) is your best friend when you find yourself in
the local lockup for doing something you don't remember. And you need to get
out in time to catch the next important business meeting. Happens more than you
would think.
No matter how hot a co-worker may be,I try my best not to
end up with one during these trips. Don't shit where you eat,i says. It's more
fun trying to wrangle up local pussy anyways. Office politics already suck.Why
make it worse with quick lay with a chick you already have to be nice to everyday
at work regardless?
And now to the work trip boozing. Nothing beats having an
expense account with no limitations. Not to say I'm buying a Bentley with it.
Just saying entertaining (drinking)on the company's dime doesn't suck. Want to
buy a few rounds of Sambuca shots? Done. A pitcher of craft beer or carafe of
fine wine. Done. Nachos or hot wings. Done. Get a rub and tug at the local
geisha house. Done. Done in the name of company productivity. Just remember to
always take care of your servers. Learn their first name and make them a part
of your evening. Buy backs don't suck either.
Here's hoping your next extended business trip is one you'll
never live down. I'm counting on you.
Love
Peace
Soul
KK
@kapn_krude
Tags:
krude experience