Beer Of The Week...TO AVOID - Big Flats - 11/20/15

Beer of the week...TO AVOID
By Dan Moore

Big Flats

See this beer & fear it, for it is the cheap beer of your DOOM!

I’ve drank some real piss water in my day. That’s what happens when you’re a degenerate and you migrate towards hanging out with other degenerates. It’s in our blood (-alcohol content). That being said, holy SHIT this stuff is terrible. This is easily the worst beer I’ve ever had in my life.

There I am on the right, jovial, as I have not yet drank the sour beverage. On the left, poor McFee has already downed the putrid elixir.

Here’s how it went down.

I own a vacation home in the lakes region of New Hampshire (what’s up, poors?). On the ride home one day, we stopped in Walgreens for whatever, who knows. I noticed this Walgreens sold booze, which they do not in my native land of Boston. Your typical beer inventory was populated, but then I also saw a sign that said ‘6 pack/$2.99’. Now, owning a vacation home, I have no actual need to buy cheap beer, as I’m clearly an aristocrat and enjoy the finer things in life. But you have to, HAVE TO, buy a beer when it’s only 50 cents. So lo and behold, I grabbed some Big Flats and brought it home for the next Bruins game for I & the lads to enjoy.

I am not lying when I say it’s the worst beer ever. You crack open the can, and it stinks. It smells. Smells real bad. It was as if a camel had spit into a can and a company sealed it up. The taste? I don’t even know how to describe it. So I asked the fellas what they thought (bear in mind, they all have cartoonish like nicknames).

Miggsy- I’d rather drink battery acid.

Jingles- It was like drinking the Holocaust out of a can.

Berkie- I’d rather drink the sweat off Fleas sock (the dick one) after a hot, disgustingly humid, outdoor, summer concert.

Turk- The sweat off an unwiped bench at the gym tastes better than this garbage.

Scotty Pickles- Tastes like a mouthful of nickels.

Prof- I’d rather have all my hair burnt off and get kicked in the face with a boot than have another sip.

The stuff is pure Satan’s piss. It’s so bad, we’ve gotten to the point where we use what supply we have left as a cruel joke on each other. Much like when bros ‘Ice’ one another with a Smirnoff Ice, forcing the unknowing bro to chug, we have started to Flat Tire unsuspecting friends. It’s a cruel & unusual punishment. Wars have been started for less. It makes me so happy.

So, stay away from this beer. Its God awful, and will only make you sad (but seriously, if you happen upon it, at least buy a 6 pack and see how terrible it is for yourself. I mean, you almost have to).

Tune in LIVE this Sunday at 11am ET for the BWB Survivor Series 2015 Kickoff Show on the Bumming With Bobcat Podcast! Dan and Bum Wine Bob will be going back in time to discuss some of their favorite Survivor Series moments of the past along with their thoughts and predictions about this years event! Tell your friends and tune in! Cheers!

Listen to "Bumming with Bobcat" on Spreaker.


  1. If piss beer could take a piss it would taste like this beer

  2. Nice to read this article.... Thanks for sharing this useful information....
    budget flats in Chennai


Powered by Blogger.