Shore Story
Just like last week's Krude Experience,I will take y'all
this week on another trip to the Jersey Shore.This time,we'll go back a few
years to 2009-2010. And enter a universe that is all things Guido. Yes,that
guido. Jersey Shore tv show Guido. Yes. I have sunk
to that level. I recently saw a commercial promoting a new show starring two of
the skirts from that show. And that triggered these Krude memories.
Disclaimer:
The term 'guido' is a term that has been used since the
1980's to describe a certain kind of dude.Usually in a derogatory manner. I can
honestly say that I have never been a guido,nor do I plan on becoming one.
2009 was an eventful year for Krude. This story will bring
us to Labor Day weekend in Atlantic City NJ that year. I have described part of
this trip in a previous blog entitled Lemmy. We (me and gf) were there
for a Motorhead show that weekend. But we encountered something at the Tropicana
hotel at around 1am after the Motorhead show. Little did we know....
We strolled into the Trop and gambled a little bit. Had
another drink and decided to leave and head towards Ballys casino.Upon leaving
the Trop we see a bit of a ruckus.There were video cameras and tons of young guidos
and guidettes (and the eyewatering reek of perfumes,colognes and Aqua Net hair
spray). I was blasted to the gills at that point on Jack and vicodin. Didn't
know what I was seeing at that time was going to be a national obsession. I
just saw drunken douchebags and bimbos out on the town. I was there for
Motorhead that weekend. And some gambling. And get laid. No time for this amateur
hour scene.It was the Jersey Shore show filming their first season in
complete anonymity. Maybe we were on camera. Would love to see my state of
being that night. Man, I was hammered. Good times.
2010. I was still dating a cool pothead chick. She was
always up to doing the spur of the moment crazy shit I always seem to come up
with. This time, I actually planned a nice weekend a few months in advance.
Iggy and The Stooges were playing at the (now closed) House of Blues in
Atlantic City,NJ. So instead of me being a cheap fuck and getting my usual comp
rooms at one of the casinos. I booked a weekend at The Chelsea hotel (right
next to the Tropicana hotel). The Chelsea is retro hip chic without the
constant bustle of the casino crowds. She loved the place. My wallet didn't.
But I really don't mind paying 'pussy tax'. Women put up with me and my strange
ways. It's all good.
Iggy and the Stooges were in their Raw Power mode and ripped
AC a new bunghole. They were great. The weekend was super fun. But on the drive
back up North on the Garden State Parkway (toll road),the then gf made a
stellar suggestion : let's have cheesesteaks in Seaside Heights. No problem for
me. So we went. The cheesesteaks on the Seaside Heights boardwalk are pure
godhead.Jersey Shore tv show was a big hit at
that point and they were filming another season when we went to Seaside. If you
wanted to go inside of the t shirt shop where they worked,you HAD to buy something.That
was an actual disclaimer posted outside the shop. I ended up buying the gf a
shirt. But it was on the way out of the shop when we hit the title wave of hysteria:
MTV was filming on the boardwalk. Oh shit.
The Jersey Shore guys were surrounded by body guards (who
formed a 10' walking wall around the young dickbags). And around 50 fans of the
show who trailed right behind. What struck me the most about the Jersey Shore
guys was their collective heights. They looked like 11 year old boys,jacked on
anabolics and Fake Bake,while wearing jeans on a hot ass afternoon in Seaside
Heights. And nobody over 5'5" tall. Not quite Oompa Loompa.But not quite
Randy Orton either. They made their way from one end of the boardwalk to the
other,ending at a familiar bar (seen on the show). The bar they walked into was
immediately quarantined and locked down. Nobody was allowed inside while they
were filming. The real problem was that the bar they infested was an enclosed
and air conditioned bar.And the only air conditioned bar on the boardwalk. I
cried foul. It was around 100 degrees and humid that day. I just wanted to
chill with my chick and a few cocktails. But I was legitimately cock blocked by
the Lords of DoucheGuido.Cheesesteak was awesome though. We saw that Snooki broad
walking around drunk (with bodyguards) near the Cheesesteak stand. I bet she
could give me head standing up and still have to use her tippy toes to reach my
cock. She is tiny. Almost dwarf size. But she was super cool with the fans
vying for her attention.
I'm not a fan of that tv show at all. Guidos have been a
subculture in NJ for a long time. The behavior seen on that show was tame
compared to the true 'reality' of guido-dom in NJ. It's far more hardcore (tons
of blow,roids and wannabe Sopranos attitude) that make up the guido's MO. I
took a picture of the house from the show. It still had the Italian flag
painted on the garage door at that point. I kinda admire that kind of chutzpah though.
We should all be proud of our heritage. Even to the point of grotesque
overkill. Mahalo.
Jergens lotion > sun screen lotion
No brainer there...
Cheers,
KK
@kapn_krude