Chris Redar's Hell on High Review

In yet another journey through hell, our good friends at Aiko Importers have decided to... well, import another banger from our friends at Rinkuskiai in sunny Lithuania. Hell on High is a quad bock that clocks in at a tongue-pickling 14% alcohol by volume, and is also two bocks too many on the bock-o-meter.

Over the course of this cycle of reviews (which can only be described as harrowing), I've used a very standard set of criteria to examine these beverages-- Pour, Mouthfeel, Taste, Finish, and Did I Hallucinate During Or After. But Hell on High has lead to a scientific breakthrough in the beer-reviewing realm, of which will change the very nature of tastings forever! Behold, the newest category, and the only one I'll be using for this beverage:

Does This Beer Taste Like a Fish: Yes. Yes it does. And not like a well-seasoned and perfectly cooked flank of swordfish or something, either-- this is like one of those carp that are washed up on the shore of a polluted lake after an especially unsettling summer, with just the body rotted out and insects living in it. I can't help but wonder if the brewmaster for Rinkuskiai was walking by Lake George in Hobart, Indiana on vacation a few years back, and happened to catch a whiff of one of these corpses trapped halfway between this world and the next, and said (possibly aloud) 'THIS needs to be a quad bock like YESTERDAY, yo'.

If that doesn't make you want to buy this immediately, this certainly will: floaties abound in this. Now, I understand how natural fermentation works, and a bit of sediment and such is normal. These were not normal bits of sediment. These were as big as-- wait for it-- FISH SCALES. IN A BEER THAT ALREADY TASTES LIKE A GODDAMN FISH. Were I not as dedicated to providing you, dear reader, with the information you need to make informed purchases, I would have dumped this in an empty field somewhere so sewer water didn't somehow make these scale-like entities mutate into hyper-violent fish-men who then crawl out of the sewer and fish for people to filet and eat.

I've probably had worse for 4.50 a pint in my days, but I can't recall it. This makes Fuggin' Awesome seem like divine ambrosia. Hell, piss may be more palatable. But, yknow, if you're in a pinch then the price is right, I suppose.

Chris Redar
Staff Writer- Last Rites
Follow me on Twitter: @chris_redar

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  1. First Wells Banana Bread and now quads?? Bumwine Bob must have come into money with all this hi brow stuff. #beerup

    1. HA! Certainly not from gotta thank these guest contributors for those!