The Krude Experience - Kandy Ass Krude

Kandy Ass Krude

Krude in a self depreciating mood as of late. Calling myself a Kandy Ass is just stating a singular fact: I'm addicted to sweets. I'm sure there is a therapist who could treat my affliction (for $300/hr). But I'm only gonna live once. And I love me some candy. And cake. And pies. And pussy. Word.

Giving my take on quality sweets should NOT be taken with a grain of salt. I know my desserts. I don't fuck around when it comes to choosing my sugary discourses. So take notice:

American chocolate makers generally suck.Hershey,Mars,Nestle etc.. are just confectionery hacks. European chocolate is the way to go.Or Jacques Torres chocolates from NYC. Too bad Nestlé had to buy out Milka. Milka chocolate was the bomb.Kinda a ghetto brand in Europe.But tasted great to my American taste buds. Fuck everything Nestlé. They can suck a massive dick. For obvious reasons.

Ice cream is also a Krude favorite. Only with Comet cones. Turkey Hill Mint Chocolate chip is awesome. As is anything Ben and Jerry's. Edy's,Breyers,Friendlys,and the field are generally weak. Magnum ice cream bars are all things excellent. For local ice cream makers,Manning's in Pennsylvania is great. When I lived in PA, Manning's (no relation) was my go to ice cream. Nothing else came close.

I used to work next door to a Maison Kayser French bakery in NYC. Holy shit. That place was unreal. I think I tried every item they sold over the course of a year. Everything they sold was aces. I even got the gnarliest workmen I managed at the time to get their pastries and lunch there. It was like legal crack. Served by people wearing berets and striped shirts. I miss that place. Don't miss the job at all.

It is weird that I'm not even remotely overweight. I eat lots of fatty dessert items,yet still stay the same lean shape. I guess it's genetics. Or its the fact that I never over eat at anytime. I like my sweets. But I never overdo it. Just like booze. I never lose total control by drinking too much.

Something about the original Willy Wonka movie starring Gene Wilder that stirs 'ol Krude into a mental frenzy. The outdated special effects and hokey songs notwithstanding,the movie is a lesson in self restraint. Too bad I can't restrain myself from playing Willy Wonka slot machines in Atlantic City. Love those machines. Mahalo.

Eating Fun Dip sticks for breakfast,



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