Krude 2018 NFL Preview
The No Fun League is back for
another season of semi sensational hitting and sinning (legal). Krude always
has his ducks (and fucks) in a row when in comes to the start of an NFL season.
Me sharing these ducks and fucks is your privilege. Or you could just
read ESPN or Sporting News NFL previews zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Stick with
Krude. Rhymes with nude,lewd,brood,etc.... Opinions will be exploited. And
truth will hurt.
p.s.
Fantasy
football is gambling. Please call 1 800 GAMBLER if you think you have a fantasy
football addiction.Or if you prop bet Arena Football League games with
frequency
Arizona Cardinals
When your QB choices are Sam
Bradford or a rookie,these birds are cooked. Larry Fitz deserves a better send
off than this shit show
Atlanta Falcons
More of the Matty and Julio show.
More of the same slightly above average win total. A thorn in some teams' asses.
A nightmare for gamblers
Baltimore Ravens
How many passes will Michael Crabtree
drop before actual tears stream down Joe Flacco's face? Then Crab beats the
Steelers with a late circus catch. And tears stream down Coach Harbaugh's face
Buffalo Bills
Bills snuck into playoffs last
season. With Tyrod Taylor as QB. Now they start a rookie. I smell division
crown. Or is that old deep fry oil and chicken wing skins?
Carolina Panthers
Who gonna catch Cam's passes? I
hear Terrell Owens is currently running a 4.43 40...
Chicago Bears
Trubisky or bust in Chi-Town.
Don't get any on you when it busts. It could get ugly at Soldier Field early. And
often.
Cincinnati Bengals
This team sucks just for keeping
Marv Lewis around. Imagine if Bill Cowher was coaching these players. They
could actually win a playoff game. But not a Super Bowl.
Cleveland Browns
From an 0-fer season to 5 wins
would be impressive. If Josh Gordon passes his piss tests to week 8,that would
be a miracle.
Dallas Cowboys
No adding by subtraction. Witten
is a big loss. Zeke gonna have to carry these 'Boys on his shoulders,Emmett
style. Remember,NFL says no more rings for Jerry
Denver Broncos
Does playing home games a mile
above sea level act as a repellent to quality QB's signing with the Donkeys?
Another lost season for Elway. Johnny Manziel is sober these days...
Detroit Lions
New HC is from Patriots. This will
guarantee no more than 6 wins this season. And no more than 6 wins ever with an
ex Pats coach as HC.
Green Bay Packers
Mr. Rodgers neighborhood. Cheesy
and green. And no sign of Jordy or Capers. Is that the formula for Super Bowl
success?
Houston Texans
Dullest team to root for in the
NFL. They were more fun to watch when David Carr was getting pummeled with
every drop back. Dumb team name. Generic uniforms. Boring offense.Crappy owner.
Etc..
Indianapolis Colts
Andrew Luck is the new Philip
Rivers who is the new Donovan McNabb who was the new Dan Marino who was the new
Fran Tarkenton.Otherwords,The No Ring Club
Jacksonville Jaguars
Jags got robbed,Goodell style,in
Foxboro last year. Jags getting robbed this season just for keeping Bortles behind
center
Kansas City Chiefs
Andy Reid is a regular season
legend. Sorry AR,wins are nice. Better when it's a playoff or SB win. Defense
will be Chiefs' Achilles this year
Los Angeles Chargers
Nice little run for Bolts last
year. Lightning doesn't strike twice. Back to the AFC West cellar for these
pretenders
Los Angeles Rams
Trendy pick for a SB run this
season. I'm not buying into any team that has N.Suh on it . He will cost them
at least 2 games due to his tantrums
Miami Dolphins
Tannenhill is back.yawn.Landry
is a Browns sacrifice now. Take the points under with this crap team. Fish be
squished
Minnesota Vikings
Defense is rock solid. Kirk
Cousins will be exposed for being Jay Gruden-less. Can't rely on miracle plays
every season
New England Patriots
Tom and Bill are blood brothers.
Gonna bow out at same time. Soon. Not until NFL milks every last drop out of
this unholy union
New Orleans Saints
Saints finally find a defense and
Drew Brees is almost 40 yrs old.Damn.Fun team to watch. Will cover when favorite
New York Giants
Send in the clowns. Bad is bad.
Any Eli in NY is not a wise option. OBJ is great. So was Ochocinco. 'Nuff said
New York Jets
The only team that is a guest even
when they're at home. Sammy D will put green butts in seats with solid play.
More fun for Jets fans rooting against Pats in playoffs
Oakland Raiders
Chucky is back. With 100 million
clams in his pocket. Battle of the bad bowl haircut with Mark Davis. Playoffs?
Maybe. Just Win Baby!
Philadelphia Eagles
Champs with something to prove.
Enough here to repeat. Can they beat A Rodg when it matters most?
Pittsburgh Steelers
Play makers aplenty on offense.
Doubt they'll ever get past AFC Championship game with Benji at QB. Just cause
San Francisco 49ers
Jimmy G to the rescue. Jimmy G to
the rescue (sung to Jim Dandy tune).Jed might sink them though. He's a cancer
Seattle Seahawks
Legion of Gloom in Rainy Stadium
these days. Pete Carroll may leave after this bad season. Russell can't win on
his own
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Jameis living on borrowed Bucs
time. Looks like total TB reboot for 2019. Glazers will try to lure new shiny
coach to tax free state
Tennessee Titans
Solid team on paper. New coaches
will let Mariota do his thing. New drinking game: if Blaine Gabbert goes into
Titans game- do a shot of 80 proof hooch
Washington Redskins
Mr.Smith goes to Washington. And
no passes will be completed past 15 yards in the air. They'll miss Cousins. And
maybe RG3 if Smith really sucks
Krude will be in Oakland,CA on
December 9 to see Raiders play Steelers in Prime Time. Will be a wild time.
Better be.
So leave the cell phone off. Keep
the drinks cold. And have a blast with your football loving peers every week.
Cheers to NFL 2018!!
Tape measure > index card
KK
@kapn_krude
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