Four Loko Sour Grape Review

Four Loko sour grape; The official beverage of getting off work late enough for the liquor store to be closed, but just in time to catch the gas station's last call, but they're out of "gold flavor."


Me and four loko have quite a history. I had my first years before I was legal and in the days of accellerated alcohol poisoning infamy. Since then, Four Loko has had my back for my lonesome 21st birthday, many afternoons of car maintenance, and of course, times the liquor store is closed and I need to face the booziest thing available.

As many know, your standard Four Loko flavors come in 12% alcohol max, with gold and the sour series coming in at 14% so even though its truely a negligable difference ill be damned if big alcohol is going to swindle me out of my 2% of free alcohol, and mainly for that reason gold is my weapon of choice. Tonight though, they were out of gold, and my options were sour apple (trash), standard lokos (garbage) or something thats new to me, Four Loko sour grape.

I came home with two and a couple big bottles of iceybois just incase they happened to be unpalatable. I cracked the can and in a sober mind was immediately reminded why artificial grape just doesnt work out usually. The initial taste is that of dollar tree robitussin, koolaid, malt liquor and aritificial sweetener, a swill better suited for attracting and trapping household critters than as a beverage. As the beverage progresses though, it becomes tolerable as your sobriety diminishes.

I don't come to Four Loko for delicious beverages, but what I am disappointed in the the fact that this sits in their sour series while not being sour. The sour apple is at least as advertized, but the grape is nothing but sweet. In similar sense to how spicy-themed foods from convenience stores arent spicy and moreso "resembling spice", the Four Loko sour grape is less sour and more like "yeah, my tongue is tickly", a sensation likely credited to the alcohol content.

Altogether, if the gas station is out of goldy bois, get some 40s of standard issue malt liquor, and avoid these trainwrecks like you do your ex-girlfriend's workplace; even if it has been three years. 3/10, two of those stars being earned for alcohol content.

- Big Money Monika "The Queen Of Rice"
@toplessgun

No comments

Powered by Blogger.