Review: Xtremely Serious Wrestling Presents ‘Carnyvale 3: CARN3VALE’
Preview: Xtremely Serious Wrestling Presents ‘Alone in the Dark’
Live from Alchemical Studios, Manhattan NYC
January 24, 2020 and February 21, 2020
by Tiffany Rose
My February travel and work schedule sucks and I won't be able to get back to NYC this Friday to see XSW's Alone in the Dark, which is a drag. My hope is that this show will be available on XSW's YouTube channel if not on IWTV.live. Both of these locations are excellent places to catch up on past shows, all except CARN3VALE which is not yet available on either service.
I was also hoping CARN3VALE would be up on XSW's YouTube channel so that I could share the crazy good time that I had in attendance at this show, but it looks like that classic is still in the vault for now. I've been meaning to put this review up for weeks now and I've been remiss in doing so, but now that XSW's next show Alone in the Dark is upon us I can't go much longer without a recap. On we go to the Alchemical - an easier location to find in Manhattan than the PIT Loft, actually!
CARN3VALE Match Lineup (1/24/20):
Big Boss Lady vs. Mondo Pussi Jr.
Bryan Tryuth vs. Dominic Geronimo (RESPECT Championship Match)
Ultimate Father/Retro Fitness/Big Floss Man vs. Brothers of Confection/Pixiedust/Rocky Rhodes
Captain Romance vs. Adam Couleheel
Hank Houston vs. Bigg Dawgg
SataNick vs. The Bad Habits
Crackers the Luchador Phoenix vs. Senator Rich Gladhand (XSW World Championship Match)
On Commentary: LA Styles and Shelly Shamblay, the all-inviting and all-accepting pastors at this church of XSW to which I lovingly make pilgrimages at every chance. For those not in the know, XSW commentary wins on so many levels that it's ongoing through the actual live match. Your fave promotion could NEVER.
Announcing: Roy G. Biv at his colorful and most dazed and confused finest
You'll have to forgive me as it's been a month since the event and there was much drinking of beer that night, these results may be a little muddled but rest assured everything I say happened actually did happen. Word is bond, after all.
The Big Boss Lady is still the HBIC of XSW after ending her brutal bout against Mondo Pussi Jr. with a victory (assisted with some help from a lot of office supplies that were hanging around the ring and supplied intermittently by Quinn Bickle). You really can have a gruesome match with office supplies, so it's time to add Staples and Office Depot to the list of deathmatch-friendly stores along with Lowe's and Home Depot. By the time the Bryan Tryuth and Dominic Geronimo match got underway everyone - including the opponents - was severely baffled by the unending amount of rules and stipulations that go along with RESPECT Championship matches and by the end poor old Dom was so worn down that he had to be reminded how to actually lose the match in order to get to the finish. I must say I was thoroughly entertained by the level of confusion that the RESPECT Championship has brought to XSW, however...I don't think it's brought much RESPECT though.
The hate/loathing relationship between Captain Romance and Adam Couleheel continues to be one of my favorite things to see in XSW; their CARN3VALE match was a fun one that even involved a number of chairs (including my own, and these were good solid dining room style chairs, not the folded ones you usually get at indie wrestling shows. The Alchemical is the spot, yo) and a finish that I don't think puts us anywhere near the end of their feud. Hank Houston took on Bigg Dawgg and I clearly remember Dr. Rod Diamondfire and ABBS involved at this point of the show as well. Dr. Rod is still looking for his real challenge and even though he didn't get that competitor at this show I'm thinking things might change for him as soon as this Friday, perhaps. The eight-man tag had everything - leftover Christmas festivities, candy everywhere, and even a caring dad, a dentist and a fitness duo to balance things out for the win (I mean that in every sense, the healthier team got the win here). On a side note, I've been looking all over to find at least one episode of the Hey, Remember the 90s podcast with no luck. Damn it.
The last two matches of CARN3VALE were the most chaotic, we saw actual fluctuating possession - SataNick went from his darker incarnation back to good old AbstaNick (thanks to the power of holy water from Sister Mary Mary and Sister Mary Jane) and then back to the dark side in a soulful tug of war. It was great, there was weed, holy water being swigged like booze, and even a can of pea soup that some in the audience pointed out didn't get used. I'm not sure if we were relieved by that or not. I'm hesitant, however, to say that this is the last of the saga between The Bad Habits and AbstaNick, as I've learned XSW is pretty damn good at putting its characters through hell - be it death in the ring or actual communication with Hell itself. Speaking of going through hell, not only did CARN3VALE end with Senator Rich Gladhand (DICK!) *still* the reigning XSW World Champion despite the most valiant effort from Crackers, but we were all traumatized by the sudden death of our beloved tree-based wrestler Douglas Fir, who was tragically (and intentionally, it was a murder) set ablaze by Gladhand right before our eyes after getting involved at the close of the match to intervene on Crackers' behalf. This cannot stand, damn it. Gladhand can't keep getting away with it! Things have got to change and soon, and that leads us to...
Preview: XSW presents Alone in the Dark
Match Lineup (2/21/20):
?????????????
That's right everyone, we have no idea of how this Friday is going to play out in the XSW squared circle! No matches have been announced and it's likely we won't know what will happen until it all unfolds at the Alchemical this Friday night. Anything can happen and anybody can show up. Since we don't have anything set in stone at this point, here's what I'd like to see happen (in a perfectly Xtremely Serious world, of course):
- The sweetest soul in Manhattan, Johnny Pop returns and challenges Senator Rich Gladhand (DICK!) for the XSW World Championship
- The much-awaited return of Shawn from Michael's to XSW, only to be challenged by his protege ABBS (it's time for ABBS to isolate and flex on his own, you see)
- The Bad Habits resurrect Douglas Fir...but if that happens I really do fear what we'd see as a result. This was like Groot dying, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't end up with a cutesy baby version of Douglas Fir being conjured from Hell...
- Dr. Rod Diamondfire finally getting his shot at real competition and a little RESPECT, if you know what I mean
- The end of the reign of terror of the Big Boss Lady. It's time for some growth and restructuring!
Since I can't be there live, I'm begging anyone in attendance in Manhattan to share any and all pics and video on social media this Friday. You will be loved and appreciated! To my XSW family, love you, mean it, KILL IT!...but don't kill it with fire, it's just too soon after Douglas...*choked sobbing*