The bWb 500 (-490)

Loyal reader of the bWb, Alexander, DM'd me today and told me that we should do our on top 500, but with food ... so today, I bring you the bWb 500 (-490)

1. Pizza

This was an easy pick. Pizza is the most versatile food in the fucking world. You can put veggies on it. You can put proteins on it. You can leave it be with just delicious cheese.

But fuck you if you put pineapple on it.

2. Steak

A perfectly cooked steak is better than sex - and sometimes cheaper. But do yourself a fucking favor; learn to cook. A home cooked steak, when done right, is so much more than going out for one.

3. A big bite.

Yes. 7/11's all beef dog is without a doubt the surprise of this year's bWb #10 - what it brings to the dinner table is easy: simplicity with a kick. 7/11 has the dogs made special by Oscar Meyer - and at a price point of $1.99, give me five.

4. A Peanut-butter sandwich.

I has to have nuts. We want all the nuts and butter in our mouth. You might scoff at this, but it takes the perfect technique to create the perfect Peanut butter sandwich. Too much and you may have a hard time swallowing, too little and you might as well just eat fucking bread.

5. Nachos.

There's just something extremely pleasing about dunking a nacho chip into canned jalapeno cheese. I don't know if it's because of the Mexican heritage that courses through your veins as the delicious preprocessed cheese clogs them, or the fifth of Tequila you chug while watching La Bamba for the two hundred and sixty-ninth time. Fuck, maybe this should be higher.

6. Twinkies.

Speaking of higher - nothing goes with a night of smoke than a box of twinkies. How do you eat yours? I had an ex that, after smoking a joint, would tease the tip, then bite it off and suck the ..wait. 

Yeah, anyways. Go twinkies.

7. After beers food.

This could be anything, but ends up usually being an orgy of chips, dips and beef jerky. I don't know what happens when I black out, but I'm not allowed to cook anymore when I do. I woke up once laying on a whole fucking pizza. 

8. Ramen Noodles

Fuck man. Ramen noodles are so damn good - whether you're hung over, drunk or horny. I've stopped makin my ramen in boiling water though. I use chicken or beef broth, and friend, it will blow the dick off ya. Add a protein like fish or shrimp and you got a fucking gourmet meal for like 3 bucks or some shit.

9. Pudding.

First, it's just fucking fun to say the word pudding. Try it. I'll wait.


My Dad was a big fan of butterscotch pudding, so we had it a LOT when I was growing up. I always keep at least one box of the insta pudding on hand for nostalgia.

10. Potato Soup.

But not any potato soup. My Dad's potato soup. The soup I'll never have again.

See, I started this list and drew you in with humor and ended it with sorrow. Because that's what great writers do. And I'm a great writer. Pay me.

$bwbDennis on Venmo.

Post a Comment