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Wednesday, February 11, 2015

The Krude Experience - 2/11/15


Oatmeal. Celery. Chocolate. Cisco.


All edible aphrodisiacs. Proven by science. Information available with a quick internet search. Except Cisco. No medical scientist on earth will pony up an official opinion on Cisco's true undergarment removing strengths. Sad.

Krude is no professional pill shill, but I can totally vouch for Cisco and it's magical nudity inducing powers. 

And somehow this weird observation brings me to another weird observation: 

Booze and internet dating. And how they were so meant for each other.

A drunk man tells the truth. Yet,when a drunk man is trolling for trim on a dating website,he is more than often full of shit with his words.That's why I stay sober when I window shop for internet tail. Truth is far more interesting than fiction.

In the event that somebody scores a phone number or better on a dating site, the inevitable question of: 'Do you drink?', will soon find its way into the chat. This is the greatest way to gauge a chicks' overall lushness. It's a valuable tool for this new age pussy round up.For instance:

I recently got the phone number of a nearby blonde off  a dating site. This was only after about 10 emails were exchanged between us (red flag). The usual small talk about jobs,ex's,kids etc... then I lay in the booze inquiry. "do you like wine". "Cabernet is my favorite,from California". Boring. My reply " my favorite wine is from California as well,and has a cool name: Thunderbird". I pause and wait for her reply. "Oh,cool. What kind of wine is that". She doesn't know about bum wine. And that's a sign of a truly classy broad. Or a fraud.And not the girl for me. Next...

Another round of online dating once netted me a cute mother of two who insisted on meeting me at a bar near her home (always a good sign of good things to come). After we meet and blah,blah,blah each other,the drinks start flowing. I have whiskey. She has something with tequila. Within minutes,we are making out at the bar. Inside an hour,we are back at her place (kids with her ex that night). She offers me some tea (?!?) and we toast. Then we fuck. She wants me to tag her ass. I happily agree. Not your usual request on a quick fling. But tequila often has a way of making women lose their better judgement. Score one for the good guys. And thank the Gods. 

Dr.Krude's official scientific internet dating + booze findings:

The tequila loving chicks are always the better bet to have fun with than the fine wine swilling skirts.
Take note and test the waters. Carpe diem :)

Mahalo
KK

Follow Kapn Krude on Twitter @kapn_krude

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