I’m Vanity and I’m a classy broad who loves to drink
wine. When I say classy I mean
sometimes I wear heels and drink out of a glass with a stem as opposed to a
coffee mug or the bottle. The
classiness ends there, you’ll see.
By “I love to drink wine” I mean I’ve been to rehab.
So my favorite thing to drink is what I call a “juice box”
you know those mini box wines that have three glasses worth in each. You can drink them anywhere and I feel
pretty sure most people don’t know you’re boozing it up cause it’s not in a
glass bottle. I’ve probably filled
a small landfill with empty Sutter Home glass bottles though as well.
Some of my best drinking has been done on trains. A lot of train stations out east will
straight up pour two or three bottles of Sutter Home in a soda cup with a straw
and send you on your way. I think
that idea is so great I’ve done that in cities where you’re not supposed to do
that. Most of the time I don’t
even bother with the soda cup.
The other thing I’m really into are those giant
jugs of
Carlo Rossi. I need my drinking
habit to be cheap enough to afford drinking gallons and gallons of wine a
week
but I am so snobby I sometimes like my wine to come in a glass
container. That’s where Carlo Rossi comes in. The second runner up
would be “two buck
chuck” which comes in a normal size bottle. The bottle size is both a
pro and a con. It is too small to contain the amount
of wine I seek, but at least it looks like a normal amount. For a
period of time I was blowing
money on magnum bottles of Yellow Tail.
I like the magnum bottles because I could say “I only had one bottle of
wine last night” but it was more like a bottle and a half or more.
Kinda like how I would pour wine into
the biggest cup I own and call it “one glass.” Its all about drinking
like a classy lady people.
This one time a couple years ago I walked to my
nearest
liquor store in the rain to get some of those magnum bottles of Yellow
Tail,
one white and one red. They bagged
each in a separate black plastic bag.
I love those black plastic bags, don’t you? As I was skipping home in
the rain I swung the bags around
to my back and they smashed into each other, shit. The bottom of the
bottle of red cracked open. I acted quickly. Immediately I flipped the
bottle upside
down, saving what I could and carried it home like this the last five
blocks. When I got back to my
apartment, I poured the wine out into a soup pot, picked out the glass,
and
drank every last drop. Don’t ever
let wine go to waste. Drink fancy
my friends!
Xoxo V.
Vanity is awesome and I love wine.
ReplyDeleteJay
That's the truth, Jay! Doesn't get much better! Cheers!
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