Lady Wine Gifted’s Little Black Book Of Bottles

I guess you could say I have an extensive history of “partners” that has shaped me into the drinker that I have become today. There have been so many bottles that have taught me so much. Before starting (and subsequently meeting the famous Bum Wine Bob through the social media), I wasn’t very open to sharing my very personal relationship experiences. However, now that I know there are so many of you out there that may have had a similar past, I feel like this is a safe place to talk about all the bottles I’ve loved before.

Boones Farm Strawberry Hill

The very special wine that was the first to make it into my wine library. I met Strawberry Hill my sophomore year of high school. The time we spent together was very innocent and sweet, but clumsy and inexperienced. It wasn’t long before we grew apart, wanting different things. I wanted to go out and have some fun, while Strawberry Hill wanted to stay in and watch reruns of Dawson’s Creek all night.

Jungle Juice

Straight up fling. We only saw each other at parties. Honestly, I don’t remember much about Jungle Juice outside of waking up next to it in the morning, and having to fish my pants out of the pool.

Vodka Hi-C

Vodka Hi-C was a partier as well, but we were together all the time. We partied in parks, movie theatres, bowling alleys, and the front yard of my parents’ house. This couldn’t last, though. Despite being pumped full of vitamin C all the time, I was exhausted. I couldn’t keep up anymore.

Natural Ice

After Vodka Hi-C, I needed to tone my life down some. Natural Ice was a spiritual hippie that was all about saving money. When we weren’t hanging out in drum circles, we were on the couch watching Cheech and Chong movies. It was very chill, but I found myself bored.


It was the ‘90s. Zima showed up with its frosted tips, hemp necklace, and hip-hop Looney Tunes t-shirt, and I couldn’t resist. We spent a lot of time listening to Dave Matthews Band while caring for our Tamagotchis. After both of them died, we couldn’t bear to be around each other anymore.

Bud Light

I decided at this time that I really needed to start thinking about my health. Bud light and I counted calories, wore biker shorts, and spent a lot of time outdoors. However, it was short lived. I realized that biker shorts left little to the imagination, and that I liked the indoors better.

Killian’s Irish Red

Killians was very pretty, but had a ferocious temper. I didn’t have the money or time to bail it out of jail every weekend. My time was spent pretending to care about college.


I had an experimental phase with Birthday Cake, Buttery Nipple, and Lemon Drop. We have since become good friends, but only really see each other once a year.

Dirty Martini

I don’t think I need to explain this one. We never talked about our feelings. I will say, however, that I could spend an entire day with Dirty Martini, and not have to use the bathroom once. I did appreciate the gift of salt and late night dehydration. I enjoy sleep.


My true love. We’ve been together for many years now. We have both been aged to the point where we understand that I will need to dabble with my exes every now and then. I will always come home to wine, though. I am comfortable here.

So there it is. My little black book of bottles. I feel so much better having shared with you. It’s possible some of you know some of those I’ve had in the past, and that’s okay. I want nothing but the best for each and every single one of them. They will always hold a special place in my heart.

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