The Krude Experience - 5/26/15

SUI-Sex Under the Influence

Relax. No crime as been committed. SUI,or Sex Under the Influence,is a common occurrence in all of our adult minded lives. Getting loaded. Then getting laid. Nothing fancy about that. It's how most of us were conceived. Believe it.

But as we all know,different booze brings a different buzz. And a different buzz could mean a 'make or break' situation with ol' Mister Winky. Your blog writer (instigator), Kapn Krude,has done the field research for this very distinct male oriented affliction. And I've lived to tell the tale of this tape (and submit more cheap alliteration).

Whiskey dick.

I hated typing those two words together. But truth is truth. And the truth is,the more booze a dude drinks,the more the risk of sexual failure.

Whiskey dick is aptly named though. Drinking too much whiskey will hinder a dude's cock prowess. Yet,drinking too much Cisco can cause a guy to, as Blackie Lawless would sing, "Fuck Like A Beast". The wonders of fortified wine will never cease to amaze me.

I have a few secrets I'd like to share with the crowd about drinking and fucking.

1. Stick with the same drink all night. Mixing booze will make you puke. And nobody wants to mount somebody who has vomit breath.

2. Booze is a depressant. It will slow you down over the course of the evening. I buy 'Energy Tabs' from the dollar store to cure booze fatigue. The tabs are a nice blend of caffeine,ginseng,and guarana.Take one of these while drinking. It will keep you going,without getting a sugary puddle of Red Bull in your stomach (btw,the only sugary puddle in your stomach should be a bum wine).Forget cocaine as well. That shit flattens dicks faster than Medusa with a yeast infection could.

3. Levitra. Pricey dick pill. But well worth it. Doesn't fuck with your booze buzz and you won't see blue. It doesn't have a generic version yet,so get a coupon from your doctor for a discount. 10 mg should keep you going until the next day. Krude tested. Krude approved. Krude female company = happy.

4. Order drinks on the rocks. The water from the ice will keep you hydrated (to a certain extent). Straight shots are great,but try to get a cup of water after a few.

5. Sex lube pillows. Wet makes the best of these. Easy to carry and it won't set off a metal detector. Buy them in bulk on Ebay. You'll be glad you did. Dry pussy,tit fucking,hand jobs,or the crown jewel- anal sex. Spit for lube is a third world country routine. Not my style.And just as essential an item as a hipflask full of whiskey.

Now you know how a Krude evening plays out: Booze. Broads. Good tunes. Good times. And SUI. Be prepared. I am. Always.

Forever Your Krude



1 comment:

  1. Seriously? Lube needed for anal sex? The only lube needed is some some salad tossin'.



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