Over the course of the last couple of months, I've been exploring the world of Rinkuskiai brewing, which appears to exist exclusively as a high-gravity hell on the cheap for snobs that just can't be seen holding a can of delicious Steel Reserve. At the high end, we had a 16% behemoth by the name of Fuggin' Awesome, which tasted as good as getting punched in the asshole feels. Since then, we've come down the ladder (the 15% monstrosity known as Crazy Brewski, which deactivated several of my taste buds, and 14 percentage points of pure hell in Hell on High, which is sewer water that also makes you sad). Rinkuskiai wisely skipped 13, as it is unlucky, and went to 12% with Before-After.
Is it as atrocious as its big sisters?
Is it as atrocious as its big sisters?
Pour- n/a
Mouthfeel- n/a
Taste- n/a
Finish- n/a
That's right-- Before-After had zero everything. It was like drinking a glass of orange water that had me buzzed up after a while. And as such, I feel it is my duty to crown it as the all-time best bum craft beer in the WORLD. For eight bucks American you can have two of these and be stumbling around your yard like a one-legged ostrich, naked as the day you were born. If the neighbors have anything to say about it, simply flip a couch cushion, scrounge up another four bucks in quarters and dimes, and get them tore down as well!
There is no scenario in life that can't be improved with the presence of Before-After. Radiator overheating? Pour 16.9oz of the orange cure-all in there and you actually gain 50 horsepower! Job got you stressing out? Keep one of these in your thermos and see how many emails you give a flying shit about by 10am! Even your sex life will improve, because there's no way you're gonna be able to feel anything with this rotgut in your system. You can bone forever!!
I'm currently planning a trip to Lithuania to personally shake the hand of Ernest T. Rinkuskiai for his juice of heaven. The value of this beverage for the frugal problem drinker cannot be overstated.
Highly recommended.
Highly recommended.
Chris Redar
Staff Writer- Last Rites
www.yourlastrites.com
Follow me on Twitter: @chris_redar