Normally you'd find me writing a wrestling review on the pages of bumwinebob.com - but with the COVID-19 fucking everything up for everyone I've filled my time watching movies.
Normally, It takes me a day to watch a whole movie. My mind wander's within minutes of a movie starting. That's why wrestling is perfect for me. Matches aren't normally that long; like different chapters that I can pause and come back to.
Today, I've watched four movies. Those offerings were: the RomComMusical staring Lauren Alaina, "The Road Less Traveled," then the class "SuBURbia," featuring a young Giovanni Rabisi and Parker Posey. I then turned to a wrestling movie, "Fighting with my family," which was a lot better than I was expecting, if I'm being honest. But none of those movies compare to the movie i'm about to review.
No, you see, when I clicked "Watch Movie," on this (Insert whatever fucking day it is, because I lost track a week ago,) I was not prepared at all.
"The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot," was a tour de force as much as it was a steaming pile of confusing bullshit. In other words, it was 1 hour and 38 minutes of my life wisely spent.
Decades after killing Hitler, aging assassin Calvin Barr; a man haunted by his memories. Barr is played by Sam Elliott. And let me tell you folks, this is a whole different Sam Elliott ... I think. To be honest, he wasn't in a lot of the movie as it flip flopped back and forth between Young Barr and Old Barr.
Younb Barr lived a NONPG Forrest Gump kind of fucking life but it's Old Barr that steals the show. You see, the government finds him and tells him about a pandemic virus that is mutating between animals and human.... holy fuck.
Do you know what this means?
Wait ... Wait. So he's asked by the government to help in ending the pandemic before it begins. How, you ask? Good question. Are you sitting down?
Yeah, BigFoot has the fucking pandemic or some shit. It's getting sick and infecting other animals and those animals are spreading it to people.
Well, there's a long speech about how he has done everything he's ever been asked of - but this time, no can do. And do you blame him? FUCKING BIGFOOT?
Long story short, he is in the woods FIGHTING BIGFOOT. It's the craziest god damned thing I've ever seen. The worst BigFoot costume by far ...
This movie is AMAZING
You need to watch it. It'll be a cult classic someday.
Rating: 8 out of 12 Natty Ices.