"We're goin truffle huntin"
He's a mad man with a delicate touch, and the taste buds of a fucking god. I may be a little bias here, but Cage looks amazing in this movie. We'd be twins if I weren't' such a fat fuck.
I've never ate a truffle before, but I've had many ruffles, and I can only assume it's the same thing - maybe a difference in salt and price.
That's why we get the Sunday paper and the coupons.
Not a lot of dialogue from Cage in the early moments of the movie - I'm only assuming it's because he was filming 800 other movies during the filming of "Pig," - oh, here's the synopsis of the movie: Living alone in the Oregon wilderness, a truffle hunter returns to Portland to find the person who stole his beloved pig.
I mean, if you're dick ain't hard after reading that, then you're dead man. And lady. It's 2021.
"I'm okay," are the first words out of his mouth, as he's talking to a fucking pig.
Foreshadowing?
Oh, wait - he said "Here," in the opening credits, but that doesn't count if you ask me. Anyways .. let tell you the story about a pig who got kidnapped in the middle of the night and it's screams will haunt me for the rest of my living days.
But who, WHO I ask, would steal a goddamn pig in the middle of the night. Truffle Hunters, that's who. The worst of the worst.
After the abduction of ... well, they didn't tell us the pigs name, so i can only assume that it's name is Babe, as this is clearly an origin picture of the motion picture franchise "Babe".
And so the journey begins to bring Babe home, so Cage can manipulate this pig into finding more truffles. Oh shit - he's looking for Marge.
But Marge didn't send him.
Rob (Nick Cage) calls the dude that buys his truffles, Amir (Alex Wolf), his only friend, other than Babe, who's apparently actually named Wicky? Or maybe the lady they went to is batshit crazy.
I'm lost and loving it.
They meet some meth heads who apparently stole Babe and sold him for 20 bucks or something. We did get some info: He drives a black car.
Clearly an evil fuck.
Rob mutters "I might know someone (in Portland) in the industry," ... I'm not sure what industry though. Pig stealing or truffle hunting. Or maybe the are more connected than I ever realized. Pigs have expensive fucking taste.
Rob passes out in Amir's car because he's suffering from a fucking concussion - but Rob screams at him to wake up, because Amir doing Amir things, right? Rob says he needs 10 bucks. Getting truffle pig kidnappers info isn't cheap, ya'll.
It took 26 minutes till the first "you fuck your pig," comment was made. I'll be honest, took longer than I thought it would.
So, 30 minutes in and I have to say ... I don't think this is about truffles. I think there's cocaine in Babe's asshole. This is the only way all these people are so interested in a pig.
We've now wandered into a fight club. Yeah, i'm as fucking baffled as you. What I do know is this - when a movie makes me scream "what the fuck," or better yet, "what am i watching," I know i'm experiencing CINEMA at it's finest.
The soundtrack kicks some fucking ass, i'll tell you this much. Oh, and Rob is getting the piss beat out of him by a dude wearing a pink vest. They are stealing punch for punch the scene wear Brad Pitt kills Jared Leto's face.
Or maybe this is Fight Club and I've drank way more than I realized. If the next scene is Rob playing poker with John Malkovich, I'm actually just tripping on acid and there's no movie playing.
Who even eats truffles? Also, I think Amir is falling in love with Rob. He handed him a bag of frozen peas to stop the swelling of Rob's broken face. Big pimp that Amir is, he takes Rob to his home.
Amir has figured out that Rob was the biggest chef off all time and somehow fixed his parent's marriage one night with his food - but then mom offed herself, so, i guess dessert sucked?
Also, when you watch this scene, let me know if you notice a very distinct change in audio as if they changed the dialogue after they said their lines. Rob's muttering about 10,000 years ago. He's got a really bad concussion. Rambling about a fucking earthquake.
Foreshadowing?
One of my favorite things about Rob? He refuses to walk on a sidewalk. It's always straight in the middle of the road. He knows what happens when you walk on a crack.
YOU BREAK YOUR MOMMAS BACK.
Okay, that was probably a lot more funny to me, than you.
I could go on and on and scribe this movie scene by scene, but here's the deal: I love that Cage picks these movies that want so badly to be arthouse flicks because deep down in that insane mind of Cage he looks at life as art. He has this obsession with creating, clearly, or he wouldn't make 800 movies a year. It's clearly not a money grab, because none of these movies make money. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he pays to be in these movies. But there's a beauty in seeing him try to find new ways to play the same person over and over again.
Sadly, Ben Sanderson died a glorious death. And in his death, he took Cage with him. Or ... maybe I'm really drunk and overthinking everything.
There's a chance I'm wrong though - maybe Cage is smarter than we've given him credit for. Maybe he see's the obsession people have with ASMR and cooking channels and he's hoping somehow this psychedelic like journey tickles the trends.
At the end of the day, this is a really interesting, confusing, trying to hard to be something that it's not even sure what it's trying to be, tour de force as the movie experts like to say. There is poignancy found in the absurdness, but it's miniscule in the entirety.
I think it's also a big fuck you to hoity toity restaurants who charge you sixty bucks for a one ounce puff of air and the fucking fake assholes who take pictures of it and post in on their Instagram to 100,000 likes.
Or maybe it's just simply about a dude who loves a pig that he doesn't fuck. And for that i give this mother fucker 15 out of 24 beers.
"In my head, had i not looked ... she'd still be alive,".