2021 NFL Preview. Krüde style
Greetings y’all. Its that time of year when manly men get giddy with pseudo excitement about watching ample bodied men wear tight knickers while playing a kids game. Oh well. American football is fun to watch. Roger Goodell loves to put on a show. Krüde will watch. You will too. Here is my take on every team this season.17 fucking games!!! Godspeed players. You will need our thoughts and prayers. And a lot of Vicodin. Let’s go!
Arizona Cardinals
Another season in the desert for the red birds. Another miscreant
Texans star (Watt) setting up shop in Bidwell Land. Better luck next year. Or
decade
Atlanta Falcons
Poor Matty Ryan. Hung out to dry by Blank and Co. No amount
of $ will be worth it to eat the amount of shit Ryan will eat this year
Baltimore Ravens
Can this team ever show up in the playoffs? Regular season
champs don’t get rings. They go home in January
Buffalo Bills
Fashionable pick for success this year. Small market team.
Small minded players. Global warming hurts their home field freeze when it
counts most
Carolina Panthers
Wow. Teddy Bridgewater gone. For Sam Darnold. Hahahahahaha…..
Chicago Bears
Will these cuddly bears ever find a good QB? Andy Dalton and
a rookie don’t cut it. Goodbye Matt Nagy
Cincinnati Bengals
Christ. This team still exists? Ickey Woods where are you?
Cleveland Browns
These fellas mean business. Always a fun time to watch
Mayfield and friends take the field
Dallas Cowboys
Dak is Bak. Defense will be better. McCarthy will still
suck. Jerry will make bank regardless
Denver Broncos
Rocky mountain high. Very high. If anybody thinks Lock is a
lock to win anything
Detroit Lions
There’s a new sheriff in town named Goff. Not much else in
Motown. Except cars,bars and weirdos
Green Bay Packers
He loves us. He loves us not. King Aaron hates being
there. But the people of Green Bay need him. A modern tragedy that only
Shakespeare could salivate over
Houston Texans
Twenty years into their existence. Twenty years of futility.
Change the name to Oilers and hire Wade Phillips to right this sunken ship
Indianapolis Colts
Wentz = Hurts. Oops. I mean Hurt. Like always. Anybody have
Luck’s flip phone number?
Jacksonville Jaguars
New hippy looking QB. To replace the other hippy looking QB.
This isn’t pro wrestling Mr. Khan. Well, almost
Kansas City Chiefs
Big Andy and crew have something to prove. Patty M gonna
play lights out. Defense gonna play lights on. Exposed
Las Vegas Raiders
Chucky needs not to sucky this season. Carr needs to Starr
to make big bank next contract. Playoffs for sure if defense shows up every
week
Las Angeles Chargers
A no ring franchise with a new franchise QB. And a new Head
Coach. Usual case with these Bolts. Same results
Los Angeles Rams
Stafford will bring his zero playoff wins to LA to lose
again in opening round of playoffs. And McVay will be McGone soon after
Miami Dolphins
Living on Tua time these days. Will he last more than 5
games without getting benched or worse? Ask the ghost of Don Shula
Minnesota Vikings
Cousins puts up stats. And that’s about it. Once great
defense reduced to rubble last season. Zimmer ain’t gonna be around next year, that’s
for certain
New England Patriots
Cam will start week 1. Mac will start the next 16 games.
Belicheat will hand off to Shady Josh sooner than later after this dud season
New Orleans Saints
It’s the Payton/Jameis show now. I hope Alvin has Drew on
his speed dial for a mid season call
New York Giants
Danny Jones is the Man in the Meadowlands now. Kinda makes
you long for the days of the Kerry Collins era of Jints football
New York Jets
Total rebuild number 3 in the past 8 years. New HC seems
solid. Johnson family still owns team. Same old Jets
Philadelphia Eagles
This team won it all a few years ago. Seems like a few
hundred years ago. Most toxic home crowd, especially with a bad product on the
field. Wear a suit of armor when attending an Eagles game this year
Pittsburgh Steelers
Ben’s last stand. This season will be ugly for Steelers. Except
when they play the Bengals. Then they look like world beaters
San Francisco 49ers
Jimmy G puts up more wins during odd numbered years. He will
still be the scapegoat if Niners fail in any way
Seattle Seahawks
DangeRuss has some pocket protection now. Last gasp of a SB
run for Pete. Will be a wild ride for sure
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
As luck would have it… Tom knew exactly where to play. No
repeat this season
Tennessee Titans
Does Henry have any fuel in the tank after a world class run
of 3 stellar seasons? Can’t expect Tannehill to win games on his own
Washington Football Team
FitzMagic brings his Merlin beard and superior IQ to DC. This
team could special. Or FitzTragic
There is my take on the 2021 NFL season. As always, tip your
bartenders and wait staff nicely. Have a strong alibi when coming home late to
your broad. And have some fucking fun. Your team can’t win them all. Cheers!
KK
@kapn_krude
https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/pickem
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