Bumming with Bobcat: Bringing you the best of the worst in cheap booze since 2014

Monday, May 2, 2016

The Krude Experience - 5/2/16


The Splitzville Bender 

The situation is: Your steady chick (the usual pussy) has drifted away and left you alone holding your dick. It is something that all guys go through sooner or later. Crying about it or general lamenting is not an option.But this ordeal has to be dealt with in a timely manner.The biggest questions that remain for a guy soon after a breakup are:

1. Did you leave anything important at her place? like expensive booze or pricey razors
2. Do you keep the faceless pussy,ass,and tits pics she sent you, on your phone? at the risk of a new chick seeing them
3. Can she sandbag you on social media? before you sandbag her

Once those issues are taken care of,the process of healing can begin.

For a Kapn Krude,breakups are about the impending 2 day booze bender I will partake in. Getting loaded for at least 48 hours straight after a breakup is an necessary component in the human experience. It's is pure catharsis.Getting a broad totally out of your system by way of the bottle. Getting lost in the sauce.

Alas: The Splitzville Bender


I should trademark that phrase. Before Gene Simmons or Pat Riley does. Or before it becomes a phrase on a cheap t shirt found at a Jersey Shore taffy stand.

Bender boozing is an art form to itself. Keeping a steady stream of alcohol entering into your system for a few days is no child's play. I tend to stick with whiskey during my benders. Mix in a few Coke's (for the sugar and caffeine) and let the slurred speech and wobbly walking begin. Then end the bender with a quality bottle of chilled Cisco or Thunderbird. The bum wines serve as the ultimate knock-out blow. If you remember anything even remotely pleasing about the latest failed relationship after this bender,then you haven't done it correctly. Feel free to start the bender again. Mahalo.

Relationships usually start with an alcohol related meeting.

Relationships usually end while being stone cold sober.

Loaded > Sober

No brainer.

Que Sera Sera

KK

@kapn_krude 

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