The Iciest and Schemiest Beer


I'm a college student.  I like to drink quite often. And February is the cruelest month: it's cold, there are fewer parties than in other months, and the semester is only beginning, so I'm constantly reminded of the massive term assignments that I desperately need to begin (but will not).  All of this is conducive to my buying and drinking multiple 30-packs a week as I play video games, watch basketball, or, honestly, am simply not busy with anything else. There are two important words in the preceding sentence that shape my criteria for a good beer: "buying," and "multiple."  Indeed, I need a beer that I can enjoyably drink large quantities of, and I need a beer that I can buy. And while Admin Tam continues to spend $25 for a 30-pack of Miller Lite, I will sit back and laugh with a Keystone Light in my hand.


Yes, perhaps the most flavorful, smooth, and cost-efficient beer on the market, Keystone Light satisfies all of the daily beer drinker’s standards. In the area I live, thirty “stones,” as they are affectionately marketed by Coors Brewing Co., cost only $16 before taxes.  Do you happen to know what the only other beer you can buy at this price is? Milwaukee’s Special Reserve Ice, an overkill drunkard’s beer which, while effective, boasts nowhere near the drinkability of my beloved stones.  One reason Keystone's price is so wonderful is its alcohol content.  At 4.1%, this brew provides a terrific drinking experience: no matter the amount you consume, you aren't likely to tip over and pass out. Yet, in my experience, you won’t ever feel the need to down this beer as quickly as you can.  Compared to its big brother, Coors Light, Keystone has a similar flavor, albeit less potent, and is about two-thirds the price.

At Keystone's price point, I do not believe a better beer may be purchased. Of course, beer snobs condemn it as the stereotypical, flavorless American lager.  These guys can shut up.  I've adopted Keystone as my go-to brew in part because it isn't flavorless. I don't care if it is "stereotypical"--I'm a 22-year old looking for efficient drinking habits; if “stereotypical” equates to "efficiency" in this case, then so be it.  Seriously, give Keystone Light a try: it’s refreshing on the tongue, and on the wallet.  

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-Joey Schemes (@Joeyschemes69), Icy Schemes (@IcySchemes)

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