Maltiple Regrets: The Listicle - Five Gross Steps To Looking Stupid On The Internet

Maltiple Regrets: The Listicle - Five Gross Steps To Looking Stupid On The Internet

I'm not a proud woman. Unfortunately this has sent me down a path of getting drunk off weird convenience store beverages and writing about them. Some are delicious, some are okay, and some are abominations. This is a list of the worst. So if you've ever felt the need to knock your self-esteem down a peg or two, these are the beverages for you.



5) Clubtail Long Island Ice Tea

Flubtail -oops- I mean Clubtail, tastes like some enterprising young upstart decided to can and sell dive bar dishpit water after Dollar Long Island Tuesday.

4) Mike's Harder Pineapple Punch

The only reason this isn't higher is because it was a limited edition release. At least they had the sense to keep this sunscreen and polluted sea water flavored beverage off their permanent lineup.

3) Four Loko Gold

I can't even lie, I have such a soft spot when it comes to Four Loko...except for this pimple on the ass of humanity right here.

As one of the pioneers of alcoholic energy drinks, you think they would have the Red Bull flavor on lock, but no. This stuff is trash, and that's coming from someone who spent a large portion of her twenties downing Jager and Vegas Bombs.

2) Tilt Pina Colada

Do you miss the days of Affliction and Tap Out sporting bros? The nights of fist pumping in a club and making bad decisions? I don't, but if you do, Tilt's can design has all the early 2000s nostalgia you can stand.

The can also must be tilted prior to consumption and the contents make the perfect sickening thud to accompany that sick bass boost track you found on Myspace.

1) Sniki-Tiki Killer Punch

I always try my best to finish the gross-eries I try, but out of the 100+ I've tried since starting this endeavor, this is the only one I didn't make it past the first sip. Sniki-Tiki clearly has jokes, because I can think of no other reason that someone would make a pineapple, coconut,
 and NUTMEG flavored malt liquor.

Why not just make Hot Dog Water flavor? Or Cinnamon Cheese Fries? Or Dog Butt?

- @maltiple_regrets

Maltiple Regrets: Brass Monkey, That Funky Monkey

No comments

Powered by Blogger.