Before we get into our first frozen pizza review, we must go through the grading scale process.
First and foremost will be overall taste, obviously. And that's where everything becomes subjective out of the gate. I mean, some people put fucking pineapple on their pizza - so their taste scale is fucking invalid.
So how do we decide the over all score? We deconstruct the pizza:
- Pepperoni stand alone score
- Cheese/sauce stand alone score
- Crust stand alone score.
Each score is based on a 5 point system, 5 being amazing, 0 being Pizza Hut level bad. We then take the three scores, tabulate and avg them out until we have our overall score.
Every pizza we grade will be a cheese/pepperoni pizza; and will be cooked exactly as the box directs us.
With that, enjoy the review.
Today's Review: DiGiorno
There was a time when DiGiorno and Totino's were the only frozen pizza's in the game - well, at least for me. And nine out of ten times, I'd go for the Totino's, for several reasons: 1. You could roll them up and eat'em like a fucking pizza taco and 2. They used to give away stickers of logos of sports teams and shit like that. As a kid, that popped me.
And let's be honest - Totino's aren't that bad for a $1.25 pizza.
DiGiorno was for the rich people, I told myself, growing up. They were for fancy fucks who would later put pineapple on their fucking pizza. When in reality they are just higher priced trash. Yeah, I said it.
TRASH
The cheese is okay, but that's it. I don't even like their pepperoni - it has this really gross sweetness to it that made me think I had covid-19 whilst eating it.
Onto The Score!
Crust: 2
Pepperoni: 0
Cheese/Sauce: 2.5
Total Points: 4.5
Official Score: 1.5
Screamin Sicilian Holy Pepperoni - 4.0
One Bite Pepperoni - 3.9
Sonoma Flatbread Pepperoni Pizza - 3.5
DiGiorno - 1.5